A new life
For the last couple of years my life was a mess. Not visibly, but my heart and the way I thought and felt. It felt as though my life was falling apart. Although there were good things that happened, the negative things overshadowed it and I felt dead… people said and did things that hurt. Illness and pain strike our lives that didn’t heal. I didn’t know how to get out of this. I felt disconnected.
But as always, things happen on Easter week ends. This year was no different.
But let me start at the beginning.
When our lives changed in 2008, I penned down a lot of messages. I was able to write about the Word of God as I have never been able to do before. Seven years later something happened. Words were said that hurt so much that we pulled back behind walls so thick that the words became less and less. We were not God forsaken, but the hurt took time to heal and my focus withered.
This year the process happened again, but by people closer than 2 years ago. Words and actions came forth that hurt so much that I had to beg of God to give me words to hold onto and this is what He gave me:
What your heart is full of... your mouth will flow over with.
If your heart is full of love, your mouth will flow over with the same...
If your heart is full of self-righteousness and negativity, the words coming from your mouth cuts so deep that no man or time can heal…
Be careful what - and how - you speak. It will change lives forever
Lives have been changed in the last 2 years. We will never be the same and the scars will be there forever, but as my message on the day of baptism were: God will take all the broken pieces and mould it together in one beautiful picture to His honour and glory.
Get over your fear, I will help
During this past year, we were full of aches and pains that just didn’t want to go away, neither with prayer, nor with doctors or therapy. But life goes on…
2 weeks ago we were on holiday and we decided to go horseback riding in the mountains as a family outing. When we made the booking, we told the people that I have spinal problems so that they know beforehand to give me the proper equipment. I have never been on a horse before and am very scared of the big animals, but I will not let it stand in the way of this special outing with the kids.
All set and ready to go, strapped with my back support, we walked out of the camp on horseback. The name of my horse was Blitz, but they told me he was actually very calm and the best one for my inexperience and back problems. But o boy, he really wanted to be a Blitz when we were about 100m out. He started on a trot and immediately I was totally freaked out! He didn’t respond to my manoeuvring him and the next thing I know, I prayed loud: “O Lord, today you need to help here and quick!” and immediately I got this back: “Get over your fear. I am here and I will help”. That reminded me of the time when Peter was sinking and calling for help.
The horse immediately got calmer and we walked for a quite a while. Now and then the horse would try to go faster than the group, but I could get him under control better than the first time.
Because of the liveliness of my horse I had a very “bumpy” ride as I don’t know how to position correctly. 2 things happened: my butt (tailbone) got bumped several times and I got spasms in my hip – both places that were under therapy for the past 3 months. When we stopped after the first hour for drinks, the people wanted to send me back with the bakkie, but as stubborn as I always am, I refused to take the easy way out. I am there to have a wonderful time with the kids and I will finish my “race”. We got back up on the horses and rode the last 30min back without any problems.
On our way back home I still had my back support on, but suddenly I realised I didn’t have as much pain as I suspected I would have. But then I remember the words: “Get over your fear. I am here and I will help”.
Did God help in more than one way? Or was it just the bumping on the horse that perhaps pushed my tailbone back in place? All that I knew at that stage was that God was there, I knew it and felt it.
To write again
As I said in the beginning, I was able to write a lot when our lives changed in 2008, but then I “lost the feeling”. This morning, Good Friday, we listened to a message of Past Jennings: Son of God. We both got a message during the time. Mine not as much related to the sermon as my husband’s, but important to me.
“If you want to write again, you need to want to write and be willing to search and expect to find a word”
As I said I felt lost and disconnected, but never God forsaken and His promise came again this morning, giving new life on this day of His. Search and you will find, expect and it will be given…
This is then the first of my new life… May the words flow again and be honey to one who hears and healing to the bones.
To end a wonderful morning, I watched a video on television: The Lamp. The moral of that story was: Just Believe. A wonderful story of parents who have lost their son and how they got their healing. The method was probably not godly or the best, but the message came across – just believe.
May our hearts and mouth flow over with the words of God
May we remember: Get over your fear. I am here and I will help
Search and you will find, expect and it will be given…